Memoirtistry Links
I have been a guest on Memoirtistry by Elizabeth Dawn several times. This is where I will compile our collaborations together.
Quincy Schmidt and I have known each other for 28 years; we began orbiting one another in high school. He has a lovely voice, is over 6-feet tall, and is [partially] responsible for the title of my second memoir, I'm Not Wearing Any Pants. Time and distance has only deepened our desire to relate our lives.
Quincy is a Mental Health [Relationship] Coach out of Austin, TX. He's not a therapist, as you'll hear him say, but he engages in active listening--he is curious, empathetic, and open--and he asks consent before he responds with the offer of another perspective. He is passionate about communication and enjoys relating.
I am honored he said yes to being my first guest! We follow many trains of thought in this first conversation, as outlined below.
Trigger Warning We discuss [my] healing from rape and the frequent verbal, and vulgar, body objectification I experience when I leave the house.
Addressing Relational Trauma through Self-Reflection
Communication Strategies & Conflict
Trust & Being Yourself
Do people really need other people?
The Work of Byron Katie
Self-Reflection & Hearing Your Own Voice
Distractions/Coping Mechanisms of coffee, alcohol, weed, technology
Mindfulness Practices
[my] Cult Upbringing (which Quincy witnessed firsthand) & Coming Out
Performance Artist in Residence Program
Memoirtistry is on Twitch!
annnnnd we just get right into it.
Quincy Schmidt is a Mental Health & Relationship Coach and friend. We have been engaging these kinds of discussions for years and only recently decided to record them with the intent to share; we like learning most through conversations with people.
Quincy delivers the concepts and I spin story. The religious trauma I have experienced surfaces and we engage in a memory of high school together.
We follow a thread of thought: The Space of Co-Creation > The Discomfort of Being Uncertain > Nervous Energy & The Holy Spirit.
A favorite quote from Quincy: "The more I can accept [them] the way they are demonstrating [themselves], the closer we can get to communicating."
A question to reflect on: Do you check the words you use against the values you hold?
A reminder to myself: Sacrifices are required to heal, and I can do hard things.
Quincy discusses his meditation practice using The Way app. Recently, my energy appeared in one of his meditations and he poses some questions to me about performing Memoirtistry on a stage.
Questions:
Who is the person who performs your art? How do you get into the space to express?
How did it feel to perform a flashback from the Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms you experience? What do you mean by "flashback"?
What are your thoughts about being in the moment without preoccupying yourself with the audience's perception of you?
These questions took me on a journey of my healing, and I'm grateful. Quincy has a way of easing me through difficult thoughts. I hope you enjoy the journey he and I go on during this conversation, and find something for yourself to investigate.
xoxo, Elizabeth Dawn
Resources:
The Art & Science of Performance Training with Frankie Mulinix of The Vibrance Centre in Atlanta, GA
Quincy Schmidt is a Certified Coach, offering personalized, mental health and relationship coaching sessions. Schedule a Free Session
Our inside joke of me not wearing any pants is the title of my second memoir which I am currently writing and editing.
The conversation revolves around the challenges of navigating life's complexities through binary thinking, the importance of finding joy in the gray area, and the need to recognize and challenge limiting beliefs to move forward.
My brain takes Quincy's concept of Black & White thinking, and the fear of the Gray Area, and connects it to my experience in estrangement. We also find ourselves discussing our beliefs around money and "free". Per usual, it's an exploratory journey and we take turns guiding the flow.
Mental Health & Relationship Coach Quincy Schmidt and I discuss the transition from monogamy to polyamory, exploring the concept of polyamory and its implications. We share insight into our [separate] journeys away from serial monogamy to polyamory, having both been influenced by non-monogamous friends. Our conversation delves into the challenges of defining and practicing polyamory, including the importance of clear communication, understanding personal values, and setting boundaries. We highlight the need for self-awareness and the rejection of societal norms that limit relationship choices while emphasizing the importance of being true to oneself and the potential for fulfillment in multiple relationships.
AI was used to create this summary because I didn't want to risk listening to this episode and shying away from posting it. It's challenging to change with an audience, and I aim to change no matter what. xoxo, Elizabeth Dawn
Quincy and I continue the conversation about how one can shift from monogamous patterns of belief to the openness of polyamory using my own experience as a guide. We explore the concept of solo polyamory and the misconceptions surrounding it, and we consider how to address satisfying sexual needs to reduce the charge in relationships. We highlight communication challenges and the importance of self-awareness, mutual respect and understanding. I share personal fears about enforcing boundaries and the societal stigma around polyamory. Quincy emphasizes that boundaries are the responsibility of the person setting them and stresses the need for clear, non-violent communication. The discussion also touches on trauma bonds and the impact of past relationships on current dynamics.
In this episode, Quincy offers a window into why he loves doing the work he is doing. I ask, and we get into it:
Where are you from? (Spoiler Alert: AK, like me!)
How did you get into coaching?
What fulfills you in the coaching role?
Why coach and not therapist?
Quincy is accepting clients, and is a fantastic resource for individuals and couples exploring Ethical Non-Monogamy.
In this episode, Quincy and I discuss the concept of anxiety. He explains anxiety as a message from the self, often misconstrued as a threat. He emphasizes the importance of understanding internal triggers and managing anxiety through awareness and physiological techniques like widening one's visual field.
I, of course, share my personal experiences with anxiety, highlighting its exacerbation during COVID-19 and the ongoing impact of social media. We discuss practical tools like the Five-Point Check-In. Quincy and I agree on the need to address internal emotions, to move toward acceptance, to reduce anxiety effectively.
Links to things we mentioned:
The Gift of Fear, Gavin de Becker
Affirmations with Louise Hay
The Wild Unknown Archetypes Deck, Kim Krans
Lit Up You! Aura Readings with Elizabeth
Huberman Lab